Dizzy.: Saturday, March 14, 2009

I haven't been into GO for almost 2 straight months.

Because of this feeling I'm so PISSED OFF right now.
It makes me remember all of those past mistakes I've been doing. Even though that's just a tiny little mess I made. It just makes me think I AM DIRTY.

I just hate this year.
Hate is so much.
Yeah, I know it's great to get into SCGS. But I hate it. I don't wanna get into it AT ALL.

I just seem cannot really do it. I don't know if I have the abilities to. But I'm hoping I could manage. I could stand and bear with it.
Just wish me luck guys.

I don't know why I'm feeling so down lately. I just HATE LIFE.

Well I just wish I could just end this life. Maybe. Like that's going to happen.
No, I'm not going to kill myself. Relax.
It's been my rule that if I want to die, then just hope so. Don't kill yourself.
Because I know it will sadden my families more if I just kill myself.
To tell you the truth, I'm just afraid.
I'm a coward.
I'm afraid for what's waiting for me out there if I kill myself. I dunno why but I have feeling it's gonna be worse than hell if you just kill yourself.

Well here I am.
Just sitting in front of my laptop, while there are millions of other people doing other things. And there might be those who has sadder and more complicated things than me.
But I do not care.
Yeah, I'm cruel. But heck, that's humans' nature to be selfish right?
I have right sometimes just to think of myself. Just let me cry myself in deep deep despair. As long as I abide others' rules, then it's fine right?

I'm feeling sick now.
Just let me weep on myself.
Let me be into deeper despair.
Life IS hell.

I'm watching Psych, that is one of the hell EPIC shows. It's really funny.
Truly epic.
But that only lightens my mood for a moment. And then it comes back.
These feelings that I am really dirty.


I want to sleep but I know I can't.
I just know when I wake up, I'll be back in reality.
I wish that I can fall into deep slumber forever and ever and never wakes up.

Nothing can ease my pain.

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