Well I FEEL GUILTY.
REALLY GUILTY. Whew.
I haven't been into GO for almost 2 straight months.

Because of this feeling I'm so PISSED OFF right now.
It makes me remember all of those past mistakes I've been doing. Even though that's just a tiny little mess I made. It just makes me think I AM DIRTY.

ARGH.
I just hate this year.
Hate is so much.
Yeah, I know it's great to get into SCGS. But I hate it. I don't wanna get into it AT ALL.

I just seem cannot really do it. I don't know if I have the abilities to. But I'm hoping I could manage. I could stand and bear with it.
Just wish me luck guys.

I don't know why I'm feeling so down lately. I just HATE LIFE.
LIFE SUCKS.
FUCK IT.

Well I just wish I could just end this life. Maybe. Like that's going to happen.
No, I'm not going to kill myself. Relax.
It's been my rule that if I want to die, then just hope so. Don't kill yourself.
Because I know it will sadden my families more if I just kill myself.
To tell you the truth, I'm just afraid.
I'm a coward.
I'm afraid for what's waiting for me out there if I kill myself. I dunno why but I have feeling it's gonna be worse than hell if you just kill yourself.

Well here I am.
Just sitting in front of my laptop, while there are millions of other people doing other things. And there might be those who has sadder and more complicated things than me.
But I do not care.
Yeah, I'm cruel. But heck, that's humans' nature to be selfish right?
I have right sometimes just to think of myself. Just let me cry myself in deep deep despair. As long as I abide others' rules, then it's fine right?

I'm feeling sick now.
Just let me weep on myself.
Let me be into deeper despair.
Life IS hell.

I'm watching Psych, that is one of the hell EPIC shows. It's really funny.
Truly epic.
But that only lightens my mood for a moment. And then it comes back.
These feelings that I am really dirty.
Unworthy.

ARGH.

I want to sleep but I know I can't.
I just know when I wake up, I'll be back in reality.
I wish that I can fall into deep slumber forever and ever and never wakes up.

Nothing can ease my pain.

Labels: dirty, life, pain, scgs, slumber, stressed, things, unworthy

Well, for the last two days I took examination for scholarship in Singapore.
I didn't think that I would pass the examination. But they told me that my math was poor. Very poor to be exact.

Oh well, at least I got accepted :))

Then they started to tell me on and on about the SCGS (Singapore Chinese Girls School)
Well, when I heard about it I was not very sure to accept it. I mean, I'm not the type to be very active or so, I'm just a type where I am SUPER LAZY, lol.
And with those disciplines, obligations, etc. I HAVE to be SUPER SERIOUS.
I admit it, that besides English, I was never serious in any studies at all. I seem just cannot be serious into it.

Well, I can't reject it now...
I admit that I feel a little regretful. Well, I'm just so-so-so afraid now. Thinking I will be far away from home and families. And I'll be all alone in an unknown country for me. Completely unknown.

I have to study really-really hard. And I don't even know if I could be online often. I need to fit myself up. I need to be independent. I need to be SERIOUS and just look ahead.

I just hope I can make it...
I don't want to be separated with my friends :(( MY BEST FRIENDS :((
Dewinta, Amy, Dina, Riri, Byantari :((

Well, just wish me luck guys. Wish me luck that I could manage it and could prepare myself really well before going to Singapore :(.

Thankfully, there will be Nurinda and Rara too ;)
I just hope MY ROOMATE IS one of them :((.

ARGH.
I'm so stressed out right now.
There are some parts of me that don't want to go.
But there are some parts of me that want to go.

But it's too late now.
What has been is done.

And there's no going back.

Labels: best friends, scgs, scholarship, stressed

Well I FEEL GUILTY.
REALLY GUILTY. Whew.
I haven't been into GO for almost 2 straight months.

Because of this feeling I'm so PISSED OFF right now.
It makes me remember all of those past mistakes I've been doing. Even though that's just a tiny little mess I made. It just makes me think I AM DIRTY.

ARGH.
I just hate this year.
Hate is so much.
Yeah, I know it's great to get into SCGS. But I hate it. I don't wanna get into it AT ALL.

I just seem cannot really do it. I don't know if I have the abilities to. But I'm hoping I could manage. I could stand and bear with it.
Just wish me luck guys.

I don't know why I'm feeling so down lately. I just HATE LIFE.
LIFE SUCKS.
FUCK IT.

Well I just wish I could just end this life. Maybe. Like that's going to happen.
No, I'm not going to kill myself. Relax.
It's been my rule that if I want to die, then just hope so. Don't kill yourself.
Because I know it will sadden my families more if I just kill myself.
To tell you the truth, I'm just afraid.
I'm a coward.
I'm afraid for what's waiting for me out there if I kill myself. I dunno why but I have feeling it's gonna be worse than hell if you just kill yourself.

Well here I am.
Just sitting in front of my laptop, while there are millions of other people doing other things. And there might be those who has sadder and more complicated things than me.
But I do not care.
Yeah, I'm cruel. But heck, that's humans' nature to be selfish right?
I have right sometimes just to think of myself. Just let me cry myself in deep deep despair. As long as I abide others' rules, then it's fine right?

I'm feeling sick now.
Just let me weep on myself.
Let me be into deeper despair.
Life IS hell.

I'm watching Psych, that is one of the hell EPIC shows. It's really funny.
Truly epic.
But that only lightens my mood for a moment. And then it comes back.
These feelings that I am really dirty.
Unworthy.

ARGH.

I want to sleep but I know I can't.
I just know when I wake up, I'll be back in reality.
I wish that I can fall into deep slumber forever and ever and never wakes up.

Nothing can ease my pain.

Labels: dirty, life, pain, scgs, slumber, stressed, things, unworthy

Well, for the last two days I took examination for scholarship in Singapore.
I didn't think that I would pass the examination. But they told me that my math was poor. Very poor to be exact.

Oh well, at least I got accepted :))

Then they started to tell me on and on about the SCGS (Singapore Chinese Girls School)
Well, when I heard about it I was not very sure to accept it. I mean, I'm not the type to be very active or so, I'm just a type where I am SUPER LAZY, lol.
And with those disciplines, obligations, etc. I HAVE to be SUPER SERIOUS.
I admit it, that besides English, I was never serious in any studies at all. I seem just cannot be serious into it.

Well, I can't reject it now...
I admit that I feel a little regretful. Well, I'm just so-so-so afraid now. Thinking I will be far away from home and families. And I'll be all alone in an unknown country for me. Completely unknown.

I have to study really-really hard. And I don't even know if I could be online often. I need to fit myself up. I need to be independent. I need to be SERIOUS and just look ahead.

I just hope I can make it...
I don't want to be separated with my friends :(( MY BEST FRIENDS :((
Dewinta, Amy, Dina, Riri, Byantari :((

Well, just wish me luck guys. Wish me luck that I could manage it and could prepare myself really well before going to Singapore :(.

Thankfully, there will be Nurinda and Rara too ;)
I just hope MY ROOMATE IS one of them :((.

ARGH.
I'm so stressed out right now.
There are some parts of me that don't want to go.
But there are some parts of me that want to go.

But it's too late now.
What has been is done.

And there's no going back.

Labels: best friends, scgs, scholarship, stressed